So, today was interesting. It was one of those days when us country folk make it into the city and totally confuse, confound, and titillate those around us, simply by being who we are.
Now, other than the fact that I now am scheduled for the dreaded Root Canal next week, we did get the clerk to ensure us that the dentist working in KL’s mouth was “small handed” so she wouldn’t feel him in her mouth so much….lol. Not so much my luck, no. I get the tall, strapping young man who is younger than my 12 year younger wife. WOOHOO…
Well, back to the tale. Try to keep up cause it was one funny after the other. I will start at the beginning. KL is in with the Dental Hygienist getting those incredibly awful and painful x-rays done. You know the ones. Hard rectangles of plastic that either bite into your gums, the roof of your mouth or elsewhere…and usually find your gag reflex at least once. Now…here’s the kicker. I kid you not.
Hygienist to KL: “Just wrap your lips around it.”
KL: “My mouth doesn’t do that.”
So, that created the mentality of the rest of the day, and it just got worse.
We decide to go to the mall, mostly because my backup glasses completely scuffed up along one lens after only a week of wearing them. It was odd and I was prepared to pay up the nose for the damn things, but evidently Super Lesbian Couple Mojo Power was in full swing because the woman warmed up to us immediately and two flirts later, I get my glasses fixed for free. Woohoo for us.
Enter the mall. Well, we were there, so why not? I needed my Physical therapy, and a slow jaunt through a noisy mall sounded just, well, not perfect, but convenient. It was then that I decided to get a hair cut.
I chatted up the stylist, and KL ran away to the music store. Ten minutes later she is back.
“The first season of Walking Dead is on sale.”
“Ok, well go get it.”
Enter the obnoxious “privileged client” who thinks it’s okay to interrupt my time to ask a million questions.
Rude, rude, rude, rude…KL was ready to say something. I could just see it happening, and it wouldn’t be pretty. I swung my half-shorn head around and leveled the evillest glare at the woman. You know the one. The evil eye meets PMS face?? LOL…I don’t think she knew what to do. She mumbled an apology and physically stepped back. All five-foot-one of me chuckled in glee. I managed to loom with a smock around my neck sitting in a chair. Score one for me.
Haircut done, the stylist asks me, “Do you prefer the dry look or the wet look?”
Ok, people. You know me. You know what I had to say, I couldn’t not say it. I will leave that bit to your imagination. There was a cranky straight guy in the corner trying to give us sour face. Pffttt…get a sense of humor. Not my fault we charm the ladies better than you.
Anyway, we leave with a thank you from the stylist (for being mean to the rude lady because they aren’t allowed to) and lighter by a few business cards. I think we earned a few new readers. They wanted us to come back tomorrow, because we were that funny. I like that.
We almost got out, then we walked by Hot Topic. Now, I love Hot Topic and they have everything a Whovian would ever want on display so we went in. Cute little sales clerk bops up to us and inquires on what we are looking for. KL is fingering a Police Box piece of fabric.
As she unfolds it I let her know (as if it is a viper, mind you)…”Um, that’s a skirt.”
The sales lady beams at us and says, “No, it’s a dress.”
KL drops it like a hot rock.
I lean over and whisper, “She’s a dyke.”
The sales lady jumps forward and grabs a basket full of other Dr. Who stuff and crows in victory.
So, that is how our day went. There was more, but those are the highlights.
Oh, and we went to Chipotle. The manager went into overkill mode when we said we needed glove changes because KL is gluten free. Everyone in the line got new gloves and they pulled every utensil out of the bins and replaced them. It was insane. We had a million people staring at us like what did we say to have that much power. MUHAHAHAAA
Enjoy our little foray.